So why do guys say one thing and do another? Still havent figured that out all week. Its been awhile since the last update on this hectic life of mine, but things have progressed and even though he didnt call at the beginning of last week, he eventual called the following monday (i guess he really wanted to give me space because of mother nature) I told him mother nature has moved on and he suggested we met up during the week. Fine with me, i have nothing planned, (Even if i did i would of changed my plan, im sprung yeah i know) So a quick overview of the week:
Monday: Got my call and even though i was over excited, i had to be casual and pretend that i'd forgotten all about him.
Tuesday: Went to work, did i full shift of 8hrs, i was so tired and exhausted. He calls and says if we can meet tomorrow and i was like cool.
Wednesday: So we were supposed to be meeting late afternoon, so i ran some errands in the morning and prepared myself for the event later on, i decided to go to La Senza and buy some Lingerie (matching sets obviously), However, i got a last minute phonecall from him saying his boys came over and we have to postpone the evening. I was gutted, i thought so he couldnt kick his boys out to make time for me? Then im thinkin why do i care? Why am i going to La senza to buy lingerie, to please a man who is not my boyfriend, or partner,? hell we are not even friends more like associates who see each other from time to time? So from Thursday and Friday, i switched my phone off and went to work both days however on Friday, he waited for me after work and said that this saturday we are definitely going to get together, and here i am getting ready to leave...

Do i really want to change my mind about 'our' meeting? Errrmm, let me think, nope, but mother nature decided to rule me last weekend and pay me an unsuspecting visit Sataurday morning, I was kinda of annoyed but maybe it was my blessing in disguise to show me that im not ready, i was still very disappointed. So, i called him up that same Saturday afternoon and told him that i cant come over this weekend because my cycle has started, his tone of voice suggested that this was an excuse i had planned, so i would get his hopes up & leave him crushed with this 'lame excuse.' Well thats his problem, he better get it sorted before we get down to the nasty.

I have come to a realisation that girls think about sex just as much as boys. (or does someone beg to differ?) Proven fact, because its on my mind all the time, i aint even gonna lie, im so curious to what the hype is, i mean really, im like the only girl practising safe sex because im not having sex! Ive read books on it, the positions, 'activities', toys e.t.c. I remember the first time i walked into Ann Summers, (probably 2 years ago) like ohmiga, it was an 'experience' to say the least. The worst part was that i went with my Aunt, yikes, i cringed so hard when we got to the real kinky stuff & super sexy lingerie, that i nearly passed out.

Speaking of lingerie, why do girls where black bras and pick polka dot knickers? I mean get with the co-ordination (i see the real soulsista cumin out in me) I have never worn any mismatch of lingerie, a law should be passed which should allow the metropolitan fashion police to randomnly strip woman to see if they are wearing matching sets. I know there is a large population out there doing that, how do i know? Cuz i work in retail and seeing woman in the changing rooms with non-brazilian waxes makes me sick, as well as BLACK BRAS and PINK POLKA DOT KNICKERS!! (Yes im very opinionated, i think ive failed to showcase that with the situation im in.)

I feel a wave of emotion, passing through me, let me calm down and breathe after 3...1...2...3 ok, where was i before i went off on one....? Errmm, Oh yeah i told him i couldnt do last week and my cycle usually lasts 4 days (too much detail i dont think he was ready for, tough im raw like that.) So i suggested we meet up the following weekend. He said he would call me at the beginning of the week it is now Wednesday (midweek) and no call. Guys, why do u say one thing and do another?
x-soulsista-x

So whatever pleases him, pleases me right?...Well, i dont know why i can't see anything wrong with this, i spoke to my friend Angela who is the only person who knows about this situation ( i have to call it the 'situation' since it's not a relationship) She said that im absolutely insane, he is using me and speeching me to a point that i cant even think logically and like a fool i'm going along with it. I think i'm just weak for him to the point that its so bloody annoying cause i cant see sense!
The odd thing about this situation is that this is so unlike me, i'm the cocky soulsista with an attitude but a weakness for this brutha, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?? I have never felt this way with my last two boyfriends and we WERE in relationships so why is my line of thought so clustered? He called me yesterday and said that we should get together..again, with no hesitation i said yes...why..cuz i want what he wants...He said we should get together this weekend after work, did i forget to mention that we work in the same area? Yep, i havent quite explained how we met, have i?
Okay, i was running late for work one day but as a routine i have to get a morning breakfast which is a bagel and hot chocolate i was coming out of the shop and he was coming in, i dropped my purse, he picked it up and i was mesmerized and the rest is history, sounds like a film, cor blimey, we exchanged numbers and we are were we are today.
So where was i? We are meeting this weekend, i dont know if i should tell Angela, cause she hates the situation already, but i'm jus so curious i need someone to talk to, and i dont want any negative feedback and that is what she will give me but i still have time to think if i want to change my mind about our 'meeting' but at this present moment i'm thinking HELL NO!
x-soulsista-x

So I’m seeing this guy, (sort of) i cant say we are exactly in a relationship because he doesn’t want that, he just wants 'fun' as he put it, which basically means sex with no strings attached. So, im willing to go along with it because i personally don't see anything wrong with it except one thing... I haven’t had sex before and now that i shared that personal detail with him, he wants to be the first to 'make an entry'. But, (and i know its wrong to use but after a full stop) i feel that as I’m not in a relationship, how can i have sexual relations with no emotions or feelings involved? Well, im going to have to try my damn hardest to try and not get emotionally attached because we've sort of come to a mutual agreement…Well he said he wanted fun and I agreed. Anyway, i've known him for about three months and we've become kind of close, where stuff has happened...but I’m still driving my 'V-reg'...for now. Deep down my heart is saying its best to be in a relationship but my mind is saying just get it over with it and at this point i choose to listen to my mind hey i want what he wants, so what pleases him pleases me, right?
x-soulsista-x